Below you find a blog diary, which I made during my stay in New York in fall 2009. I was there working as an apprentice with The Wooster Group and The Elevator Repair Service…
Links to pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.com/stephanie.luehn
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephanieluhn/
11/ 22
My inner body clock is screaming to be back in NY. Or: Now I know what people are talking about when referring to Jet lag. Though incredibly tired yesterday night, I could not sleep at all. I would roll myself from side to side in my bed, but it just did not happen. Finally I watched TV until 5.30am, and luckily having found some sleep afterwards. Woke up at 12pm. Now unpacking my luggage, washing, being sentimental, trying to find some rest and peace with all my thoughts and emotions. This are the last pics from my camera:
http://picasaweb.google.com/stephanie.luehn (click on Last days NYC pictures)
11/ 21
I am back in Amsterdam. The trip was very ok. Now I am extremely tired. It is 20.42pm here in Europe. It will take me a while until I won´t wonder about the time difference between NYC and here anymore. Yes, things will take a while here now. Back in Amsterdam. …
11/ 18
Just coming home with Justin. It is 3am. 9am in Europe though. That´s so strange. I had a couple of beers and shots with him and his friend Austin. That was exactly what I needed. Getting relaxed and a bit drunk. I am not totally wasted. Funny enough because I drank a lot. But also good bcz I have to be in the ERS office very soon. Saw a fabulous play with Lindsay earlier. Goodbye drink with Tess and her boyfriend. And bye bye Wooster Group. How will I be able to leave this city and its people behind on Friday??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
11/ 17
Today will be my last day at the Performing Garage. I am as excited as when I arrived there the first day. Becoming sentimental while trying to not do so. Now that this are my last days in New York I do realize how intense this time was and how many dear people I met. And not to forget: how many things I could see and do here. It is another rhythm to live and work in this city. I cannot imagine that there is another city comparable to New York. It is fucking difficult for me to relax the last days. I am excited, totally energized, frenetic, psyched. I feel good and strong though not much sleep and being on my legs the whole day. I had a wonderful dinner on Sunday night with Ildiko, Justin and Josh. Good Pasta, nice Wine and an amazing desert at an ice cream factory. I was about to cry when I took a moment to thank them for being there for me and creating such a warm and homey feeling for me. Finally I discover more hidden and not so obvious places in the city and I regret that this did not happen before. Anyway, I have three more days to enjoy those. I took a class with Miguel Gutierrez last Thursday. It was this kind of class I had been avoiding for a long time, with partnering exercises, plies and a combination. But it was so fun! And he is just really cool and open. Then many many performances: Joan Jonas, Deborah Hay, Yvonne Rainer and so on. Beer and laughter with Sarah and Eva. Healing hands from the best looking Yoga teacher ever. A re-contact with the emotional handicapped guy. And a cheezy goodbye scene with John from the ERS yesterday. He was asking again about me going with them to Boston. But there is no way for me to do that. He said that he really wants me around in the company and that he will let me know whether they come to Europe before next August. Then, anyway, we will meet in Edinburgh and see how things are. I felt appreciated and accepted. He said that even when I am not in the office, Sarah, Tory and Ariana would keep on telling him that I am so good for this company. I am amazed by their trust, I finished all the visa applications by myself and arranged a travel health insurance for each company member. It took me hours. But it worked out. I appreciated that Ariana told me that precision and a talent for organisation is nothing bad but really needed in my profession. Which is kind of opposed to the comments I would get so often from school. I feel it is time to finish school soon. Though I am aware that things afterwards will become more difficult. The time here made me aware that creating is what I like and want to do. And, still, within the desire to create there are plenty of possibilities how to do so. And this is the point where doubts and questions come into play. My piece is somewhere. Unconsciously it is developing I feel. Right now I am trying to get rid of ideas and clean my thoughts until the real core can appear. It is there. Close. I hope. I will be able to totally focus on that once that I am back in Amsterdam. I have the desire to lock myself in a rehearsal space and stay there for two months. I cannot take more information in from my environment. I need to observe myself, see myself, feel myself in order to find that core. Ja ja, bla bla. Tonight I am going to watch a play with Sarah and Lindsay. Hopefully some drinks afterwards. Tomorrow last day ERS. We will have cookies and cake. Yeah! Tomorrow night hanging out with Justin and Ildiko. Thursday I would love to take a class, finish my shopping (I bought amazing shoes and would like to complete that outfit with a pair of jeans, a blouse and a skirt) and probably meet Shalin one last time. Then Friday: packing, cleaning, taking the train to the airport around 3pm. This is New York: time is crazy, plans and meetings, no sleep…but still: unpredictable. I love it. I feel really happy.
11/ 09
I am entering the final New York City countdown. These days I really try to get as much in as possible. Especially talking about going to see performances. Just today I told Tory from the ERS that it is incredible how inspired, energized and charged I am. Really wanting to create. A lot of my thinking and dreaming is about my present research. Rehearsals are going well. Sometimes I feel like “this is it” and other days I doubt again. But I really enjoy this up and down moments right now. I am watching a lot of theatre here. Never did it in Amsterdam. But it is cool. Almost like watching TV somehow. Entertaining. Sometimes I have the impression that it is more direct and pure than most of the performances that I usually go to see. Maybe because the source is so clear: a playwright. Anyway, I am collecting all the program books and might probably come back to write about some of the things I saw later. It was such a beautiful moment when I saw Anja on Saturday night. I know her from Amsterdam. She performed with Meg Stuart. And it was so surrealistic when we met after the show. The work with the ERS and TWG is still great. Last week I finished the Visa applications for the ERS. In the Performing Garage I have now time to watch things from their archive and having great talks with Clay (he is the archivist there). Last time Matt (another intern) and me had to ship a bench to France. Liz wanted that particular bench for the performance. Crazy! The bench itself costs maybe 70$ and the shipping was about 300$. Afterwards I went for a goodbye wine with Matt, it was his last day. Later on Tess (intern, too) and her boy friend joined and I got so drunk. That was really nice. Tomorrow it is my first day in the Garage that I am alone with Jamie and Clay. All the others left to Paris for the shows. Then, I also met with Eva the other day. She is German, too, having been interning with the ERS earlier but still connected to the group. She will go with them to Adelaide in March. She comes from Bonn and reminds me a lot of a friend that I had in Cologne. It is a great girl. Somehow we really connect and it is a contact I would love to keep up in the future. Future. I am thinking quite a bit about future. The time after New York and the time after SNDO. I am thinking where to go. How to go. When to go. I had a conversation with Matt and we kind of agreed that it maybe would make sense to first set up productions in a smaller environment, where art is supported more than here (Netherlands? Belgium? Germany?) before coming back to New York. This thought becomes really dear to me. Secretly I am already making plans…Today I am going to work in the ERS office. We have a summer revival here: sun, 21degrees. Golden October…haeh??! I mean Golden November…Much love to all of you out there!
11/ 01
I painted my finger nails in red today.
Good start with Yoga. Iced coffee and Bagel.
6 hours of rehearsal in a fantastic space. difficult and confronting.
And YES, he is an emotional illiterate.
Artistic depression. Cravings. Sushi. Hot and Spicy.
It feels real. I am in New York. I love New York.
But I can´t help it, today I felt really lonely for the very first time here.
Feel better after having seen Ildiko and Justin.
Sleep now. Full moon…
10/ 31
It is kind of early, 9:10 pm on a Saturday night. Raining outside, I am sitting on my bed. I was looking forward to a quiet evening (a Halloween Party was planned but I feel too weak to go – a flu coming maybe, don´t know), with some nice food and maybe even watching a bit of TV. Ildiko and Justin are in New Jersey for work. But my hope was destroyed when I came home, hearing sex noise from my other room mates room. Nothing wrong with celebrating love with his girl friend but I really find him strange and even a bit disgusting. This is why I prefer to hide in my room now rather than eating my dinner accompanied by this intimate sound scape. And that on a night like this…It brings me quite down right now. I have plenty of stuff to tell about this week, my internship, the performances I saw, the museums I visited, the time I spent with Shalin, Jeannine, Ildiko, Justin, Ben, my new fascination for Basketball and so on…But, honestly, I am feeling uncomfortable and de-energized right now, waiting for the time to pass, and the new day to start – eight hour rehearsal coming up and I am so much looking forward to that! Maybe Shalin will call me tomorrow. He said. But I try to not hope or expect anything. He is such a beautiful man but I feel a danger of him being an emotional an-alphabet…nevertheless, it is great to have a transatlantic romance! It is healing to have physical contact, a warm smile, a warm touch in a foreign land…Good Night!
10/ 30 Halloween Weekend
I uploaded some photos… Click here
10/ 23 UPDATE
There is this desire to express myself a bit more poetic in this blog since there are so many poetic moments that I live here, but no time. Right now this blog functions mostly as archive for my work with the ERS and the TWG. The last days were good days, decision days. I do not know if I mentioned that before but I was offered to go with the ERS to Boston in the beginning of 2010 as assistant stage manager. This is more than I had ever expected to happen (talking about making connections, establishing a network for the time after my graduation). Finally I won´t go and it is breaking my heart. School thinks that the schedule is too tight and it would harm the process of my piece that I am working on right now. What a bullshit! Stupid rules. Yesterday I was disappointed, angry, sad, frustrated. Today is better. The ERS told me that I will come back and if not in January then after my study. Wow! Yes Yes Yes! I spent one of the most intense weekends last week. There was John´s Birthday with lots of great people, fantastic cake, whiskey in all kind of variations, a visit on the rooftop with amazing view over Manhattan, good conversations, a joint, a underground night bar…On Sunday a first date (my transatlantic romance how Justin calls it) and first rehearsal. It was a beautiful evening/ night. And on Monday the week started sunny. That was nice. I was terribly tired so I would look for a nice spot on the grass and lay down and read for most of the day. Tuesday Wooster Group. Office, taking costumes to dry clean, a bit slow. At six I was supposed to go but I felt that did not really helped out so I asked downstairs if they need me. Hesitation and surprising eyes. But then I worked there till 10pm, carrying and loading, labeling tons of boxes and video/ sound equipment. TWG is going to Paris and Strasbourg with their new show. After that I felt good and I am convinced that with time I would make progress in the Wooster Group like it happened with the ERS. Anyway, Wednesday, Thursday are my favorite days bcz I spent them with the ERS: database work, sending mail, filling out visa applications etc. etc. It is good to be close to all of them in the office. I get a lot of insight that way. Wednesday night I went for some drinks with Ildiko and Justin. That´s always great. On Sunday they are planning some pre-Halloween-Pumpkin thing. That will be nice, but I am more busy with my piece right now. Trying to spend time with that. Really going deep, that is my aim. Not a superficial crappy research, but something rich and full, poetic…..let´s see where this goes. I love Yoga. Sometimes Yoga makes my days. I love the Metropolitan Museum of Art and tonight I wanna vistit the MOMA….I like it here so much. I do not feel like a visitor anymore. I live here. I am here. I am. And just so many little human interactions that happen more and more often (there is a nice woman I got to know in the Yoga studio and just in this very moment an old man comes to me asking if I could open the door for him and there are really annoying but also really fun people in the trains….and so much more)
10/ 16
Fall has started. Walking out the house this morning it was freezing, I could see my breath in the air. As long as it is not raining (yesterday was so rainy…) I do like the transition from late summer to early winter. Since days I keep telling myself to get a new entry written in my blog. But since days, things always go different than I planned them and I discover my spontaneity again. I had beautiful and not so beautiful moments in the last weeks. The people around me are getting more important and dear to me. It feels like something is being built. A lot of nights out, beer here, joint there, watching theatre plays, Obama Peace, working my ass off for my internship, starting my own rehearsals this Sunday, missing a he, finally skyping with Tamara, trying to make friend with the traffic and not thinking about leaving. (Thinking about leaving where I am right now makes me sick!) Although it is Friday, I worked in the office today. Doing some Visa Applications for the ERS tour to Australia next year. Complicated paper work. But since I have finished 1500 letter last weekend by myself, the people know that I can do quite well. Ha ha. Tomorrow John´s 40th Birthday. Surprise Party. I am so happy to be invited. Juhu! Becoming friend with Sarah. For real. Feels great. So I will see all the people from the company. I relax about it. Slowly I get more to know about the who is who and who with who. This helps to see things from a distance (or going for more personal research…) Ben has a girl friend, Sarah said. But when we filled in the applications today on the relationship status, she would make a cross at “single”….whatever… I am right about to go home. Now sitting in a cafe. So I simply attach a summary that I wrote two or three days ago:
Follow up on my internship activities – Wooster Group meets Elevator Repair Service and I am right inbetween….aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!
One week ago I had my first day at the Performing Garage. I was just about to get into the building (after having had a bad coffee and a cigarette in front) when Sarah from the Elevator Repair Service called me from Florida. She was asking if it would be possible for me to get to the office, pick up some shirts (merchandise stuff that they forgot to take and which they usually sell after their shows) and bring them to a school in Brooklyn where Susie works. Susie is one of the performers and was supposed to take a flight down to Sarasota later that day. But: it was the first official day at the Wooster Group. What should I do? I went upstairs and talked to Jamie. He was really understanding and told me that I can definitely go but should make sure to be back for rehearsal at 1pm. So I had three hours time. Those three hours were terrible. I was so stressed and the trains were running late all the time. I had difficulties to carry all the shirts and to find Susie in her school. Children everywhere. I was there at lunch time, so really busy. I finally managed to deliver the shirts and be back on time at the Garage. I watched rehearsal till 3:30pm, then I looked after the daughter of Ari (performer) for the rest of the afternoon. Before leaving I put the trash outside. The rehearsal space is just amazing! So much tech stuff, so intimate, but so clinical at the same time. It is not as personal as it is with the ERS. But I got a very warm welcome from Liz, the director. She is old, somehow, excentric, demanding, but vulnerable. She was crying, screaming in the rehearsal. A bit hysterical but so human and so real artist like.
Jamie introduced me briefly to some people of the company and to my tasks in the office, which are mainly about answering the phone, picking up mail, opening the door (complicated system), taking lunch orders for the performers (they cannot go out in their break because they have so much make up on).
Tuesday again, my second day in the Garage. I worked in the office alone in the morning. The other intern, Matt, needed to pick up some Visa stuff for the company members. I felt resistance going to the office. I was afraid and nervous. Once having taken the first call and being able to do some copying and folding stuff, I felt a bit more at ease. It got very busy around 12pm. Performers were preparing for rehearsal, make up, dressing up etc, while I would go to each of them and take their orders of what they wanna eat or drink later. I got separate money from each of them (or not, and I am so stupid to not tell them but pay it by myself) and later in the shop where I bought everything I also needed to take care which change money belongs to which person. Puh! A logistic challenge but again: I did really well, I think. Rehearsal was nice. Seems to be improved since I saw it the last week. I got in touch with some other interns, Raimonda and Lucy and the technical director (Eric, I think). Liz came late because she went to the dentist. So the rehearsal started without her. Earlier up in the dressing room she and Kate would welcome me again, asking about my name and where I come from. Also talked to the performers Ari and Scott (ERS) and had a little chat with Kaneza (ERS) about their performances in Sarasota. Around 2pm Liz asked me to pick up some medicine and bring her some Joghurt with honey. This was my first task that I got from the director herself and it made me so proud. At 3:30pm Mia came again and I would spend the time with her, playing until her father Ari would finish rehearsal. She is cute. And I somehow feel really capable to be with children. She knew me already, so we had a good time. That day was really good. I can cope with the fcat that the Wooster Group is a bigger company and less personal than the ERS. It also forces me to ask myself about why I want to be with this group and how I can use this experience for myself, rather than just serving them. Again, I say: that day was really good. Because in the morning it felt like one of the worst days ever: the night before Ben (yes, THE Ben – I just found out today that he has a girl friend – bye bye then…) wrote me an email asking whether I could help with unloading the Sarasota truck and bring it to Conneticut – a total working time of eight hours. I wanted that so much! But it was really short term notice. So I desperately tried to find a substitute at the Garage for the next day, Tuesday. I called all the other interns but no one was available. Shit. I slept so bad. Also because when I texted Ben that I can´t make it, he did not answer and I felt he was really mad. Terrible night. And I did not want to get up the other morning. I woke up by a message from Ben, saying: „Ok“. Sounded terrible and dry. Then I did a really unprofessional action: I wrote Jamie (intern coordinator) whether I could take the day off. No answer from him. So I made my way to the Garage, feeling bad and sick. Right before stepping into the train, something happened that did not happen for a long time. I just took my phone, followed my intuition completely, dialed Ben´s number. „Stephanie“, he answered and I explained him how sorry I am, that I like to help and be around him (thanks God, that I did not say anything more privat – by then I did not know about his girl friend…). He was nice, telling that there will be other chances and that he appreciates me calling. I wished him a safe drive, saying „See you soon“. Then my chest felt so much more easy and calm. And I was ready for the Performing Garage challenge.
Review: ERS at the BAC plus showings/ ERS performing in Sarasota plus mailing NY
The last weeks for the ERS felt intense and really satisfying. The week of the presentations at the BAC turned out to be very busy. I was at the rehearsals every day, helping with setting up, washing glasses etc. In the mornings Sarah would call me for buying new props or helping out Ben with painting the stage decor. I think that was one of the most beautiful days. Really painting, getting dirty, carrying stuff around, seeing that things grow and are used for the stage is great. And it was good working with the guy. There were two or three bar nights, too. Either I got really drunk with Matt and Catherine (intern) or I would leave early because I did not want to interfere. The loading of the truck was tough again. Heavy work. But I felt light beacuse there was a little chance that I could go to Sarasota with the truck (guess who had this idea himself? Yes. Ben. And I was happy beacuse I thought: Ok, he cannot dislike you that much otherwise he would not ask you to hang out one week in Sarasota with the company). In the end I did not go. The truck left right after loading and I did not have any luggage with me, yet. (I would have gone though. But in the end I would have missed the Wooster Group opportunity probably. And even though this is tough, I am so glad and feel privilidged to have this experience. Biting the sour apple makes me grow and becoming more secure and demanding in some areas. Just yesterday I thought that I am thankful for the education I had and the values that I gained in how my mother raised me. Being polite, friendly and warm, organized. All of this turns out to be additional qualities for establishing a base for something.
Big thing last week: mailing of 1500 letters. And I did it all by myself. It took me four eight working hour days. And when I came back to the office today, everyone was so thankful. Even John (who usually does not talk that much to me) gave me his thanks. Today is low. I changed some things in the database and brought costumes to the Laundromat. (that was wednesday. thursday I spent the whole day with John in the office, today with Sarah and Lindsay. Yesterday I saw a little showing of Sarah´s own work and so on and so on….)
puuuhhhh…..ready for Dinner now!
9/ 30 Balance
Today was a good day. Yesterday I felt like shit and not so much appreciated. Don´t really know why but it was how it was. Today I found the balance between me and the other. A good day. These days I like to listen to old music. And when I was sitting in the subway home from rehearsal with the ERS I was watching the Manhattan skyline passing by, thinking: “Stephanie, don´t waste your time with being grumpy – this experience here is just too precious to be shadowed.” I wonder: “Do I have to jump high in order to be loved?” A good day.
P.S. I was asked to collaborate in a theatre project with Cathryn today! P.P.S. Tomorrow at 10am I meet with Ben for painting stuff for the stage set;)
9/ 28 Birthday Weekend
Monday. A new week has started. And what a thrilling weekend was this! Birthday weekend. After having started the weekend on Friday night with watching the performance of Raimund Hoghe – I was impressed by this two hour long piece, had kind of a humbleness in it that is more difficult to find in theatre these days, I feel. The after talk with him was so inspiring, was writing down a lot of stuff that he said, talking about virtuosity on stage, about respect, about German history (let´s see where this goes now after the Elections from yesterday…). All in all it was something that I would call a quality evening. Earlier that day Sarah asked me if I would be available to help Ben on Saturday to load some stuff on the truck already. Hello????? Of course, I wanted to help him out and finally get the chance to talk to him and experience his presence without the rest of the group. We met on Saturday at 2pm, working till 4pm, driving around the city, talking. Afterwards we went for a little walk and he would tell me a lot about the different neighborhoods that we passed. He used to live in Tribeca, so I got some details about that part of the city. I enjoyed this time very, very much! I think at five we would part and I was looking forward to the next day on which we wanted to go for a beer after rehearsal. Saturday night I went out with Ildiko and Justin. First we took a cab (my first ride in a yellow taxi ever) down to DUMBO and joined a Birthday Party of Ildiko´s friend in a bar. Was kind of a fancy place. After two beer I got more talkative and I had a good time with the bartender and a Brasilian film maker. We left soon because we wanted to head to the Beauty Bar in Manhattan to start into Ildiko´s Birthday. So, the three of us taking the train, drunk, laughing, walking to the Bar through the heavy rain. The bar was kind of alternative, crowded, but good atmosphere. We toasted with rum/ pineapple juice – never ever again, did not taste so good I have to admit. I brought a fake flower. A symbolic act because my gift I would hand over to Ildiko at home. When we got there it was already 2.30am. Justin and I had a Junk Food crush. So we had some crackers and cheese before sleeping. I had to go up on Sunday at 8am, rehearsal starting at 10am. I made it through the day, tired but not really hung over. I brought a flower for Sarah. She: “Oh, Stephanie! You are the most adorable!” That was cute. Together with Cathrin we assist Sarah in setting up the stage. Sometimes we stand in each others way because we both want to help so desperately. But it´s fine. I sometimes just step back in those moments and try to be there when it is needed. The run went really well. John felt satisfied. We had a surprise cake at 4.30pm. Amazing cake! And then we had to remove all the stage set to another, bigger room. The rehearsals and presentations this week will be held there. Ok, to cut it short: together with John, Ben, Cathrin, Matt and Sarah we went to a Bar around the corner. Had three beer and a whiskey there (whiskey and one beer on the bartender. It kind of works to make friend with a bartender in a new bar…) I invited Ben and John for one drink, too. We continued without Sarah to a farewell Party from a friend of Ben and John. Went to a bar called MarseilleNYC. Fancy Bar. Very fancy. And it was great to have Cathrin around because she was drunk, too. And we promised to tell each other when we misbehave in public. Nothing happened except the fact that I had a fucking nice evening and got as drunk as never before here. I wonder how I said Bye to John and Matt. I do not really remember. Walking down the street with Ben and Cathrin, she wanted to continue but he could not and I could not. Too wasted. So we all took a different tain home. Home. I slept like a Baby. Really good. And this morning I do not feel bad at all. Actually my batteries feel quite recharged. More details to tell. More intense emotions to share. But gonna continue chatting with Florian right now…
9/ 25 I woke up and felt instantly happy
Today feels so relieving. The last days have been intense. I started the week with Yoga class twice a day, followed by my work at the ERS on Wednesday and yesterday. Long days, but what was more heavy for me was the weather. I feel like a grandmother complaining about this but really on wednesday it was so hot and humid. I dare to say that I have never experienced something like that. I felt so sick and tired at the end of the day. Now I feel much better. My cold is almost gone, too. Today still 22 degrees but accompanied by a super nice cool breeze. I got my Flip Fops and shorts out again. I feel really happy today. The sensation of having worked a lot and now having a day that is a bit more quiet is good. For the first time since I have arrived I slept long in the morning. I was doing the laundry, cleaning the bathroom, taking a shower with lots of soap and body lotion, doing some shopping in my neighborhood. I like it here. I passed the school yard. The children just had a break, playing around. I do not see so many children and old people on the streets. Well, actually here in Queens and also in Brooklyn I do. But as soon as you go to Manhattan people get younger, fancier and you see them going for walks with dogs, not with children. This morning, strolling through my neighborhood I just realized how good it is to have children around.
Later this day I will reward myself with a Yoga class and then going to a performance of Raimund Hoghe at DTW. Ildiko and Justin are working in the Hamptons today. On Tuesday I went out with them for Sushi and Wine. This was amazing. I love the one who invented Sushi. We spent a good time together. On Sunday Ildiko has a birthday brunch. Unfortunately, I cannot go because I am going to the rehearsal of the ERS. Instead, we will celebrate a bit on Saturday night already. Looking forward. I bought a little something. Want to make it a nice day for her. She and Justin make me feel so good in here. My meeting on Monday with Jamie from the Wooster Group was really exciting! I was impressed by their rehearsal space. It seemed as if I entered a complete theatre with props, lights, make up, pictures, papers, all kinds of stuff everywhere. I was sitting on a Sofa with Jamie. He had a whole A4 paper with notes from the telephone interview we made some months ago. By then I realized how professional they work with selecting their interns. He said that each week two people are applying for working with them. That´s a lot though. He was talking about me helping out with lights or the release of their new DVD series. It sounded all so interesting and I really would love to work there. But I tried to not get too excited because I don´t want to be disappointed again. Well, today is Friday and he did not come back to me yet. I am still hoping. Anyway, it feels that the work with the ERS is so enriching that I want more more more. I am reading the Endgame from Beckett right now. Researching on experimental theater texts and writers, I stumbled over him and this play. I am getting into it by now, seeing things, feeling things. Getting friend with the characters. Death is a theme in this play. And this maybe the connection to the novel from Thomas Mann that I was talking about the last time. I kind of lost interest in this novel. For now. Might get back to it again. But I wonder if this is something I take over from the city already: a non-attaching attitude, constant change, quickness and a short dated/ short lived dealing with things? Well, something to be aware of, I guess.
Now I will really enjoy this beautiful day! These moments when you feel home in a foreign country are great. I think I am a person who is made for living a nomadic life. Talking about traveling: I am still thinking about going to Florida with the ERS. I could afford the flight. That is not too expensive. But accommodation is expensive. I talked with Sarah about it and she said that it would be so great if I could come and helpful too. Because I am one of a few who knows all the stage setting and they need helping hands there for building up and building down. But they cannot help me out financially. My last chance: I thought that the brother of my grandmother is living in Florida? But which city? Sarasota maybe? Or does he know people in Sarasota? (Diese Frage geht an Dich, Mama. Ha ha. Wohnt er zufällig in Sarasota? Ich bin echt am überlegen, ob ich da mit hin fliegen soll???? Was meinst Du? Die Gruppe ist mir so ans Herz gewachsen und ich habe so viel für die Performance organisiert…)
9/ 24 Schedule Update – important for me to remember for later stage report (another entry about what happened the last days to follow…)
My schedule with the ERS for the next two weeks:
Wednesday 9/23
Starting at noon in office. Buying milk for office coffee. Finishing off the TSAR Dance Translation. Working out the working rehearsal hours of the performers and calculating their payments. Directly going to BAC rehearsal space at 5.30pm. Witnessing rehearsal and supporting Sarah with setting up the stage. John closes rehearsal at 9.40pm.
Thursday 9/24
Starting at 11am in office. Returning props to the Target Store. Checking and calling for costs of color copies at different stores. Finishing off the working hour sheet. Getting hold of Ariana and Tory for finding out what we are gonna do for Sarah’s Bday on Sunday. Researching on the ERS archive, setting up my schedule with the group. Doing some printing stuff foe Tory. Going to rehearsal space with Sarah and Ariana at 5pm. Buying food for Sarah. Watching rehearsal 6.30pm-8pm.
Saturday 9/26
Loading stuff with Ben (NY Theatre Workshop to BAC) from 2pm-5pm
Sunday 9/27
Rehearsal from 10am-5pm + helping with moving stage set to other rehearsal space (till7pm)/ Sarah´s Bday
Monday 9/28
3pm till 6pm at BAC to help with building stuff.
Wednesday 9/30
Office 11am-5pm. Rehearsal 6pm-10pm.
Thursday 10/1
Office 11am-5pm. Rehearsal 6pm-10pm.
Friday 10/2
Informal showing at the BAC. I am scheduled from 4-10pm for the pre-show stage set up, watching the show, cleanup.
Saturday 10/3
Informal showing at the BAC. I am scheduled from 11am-7pm for pre show set up, reception set up during show, cleanup, load-out and preparing the truck for Sarasota/ Florida.
Monday 10/5
ERS leaves to Sarasota.
Thursday 10/8 – Sunday 10/11
ERS performing at Ringling International Arts Festival Sarasota. http://www.RinglingArtsFestival.org
9/ 20 Opening doors
It feels like my last entry is far away. There is no way to get everything together that has happened till then. This morning I was calling my Mum. I felt exhausted afterwards because I was non – stop talking and telling stuff. This week passed by so quickly. Tomorrow I will be here for one month already. This is unbelievable!
I am very excited by a performance that I saw yesterday evening at DTW. It was the new work of Miguel Gutierrez – a full evening show, covering my intellectual, artistic and emotional desires. Finally some good work. I saw a dance piece on Friday, which I felt so critical about (I could not see any research done on movement, was disappointed by the use of timing and transition, annoyed by the performative presence and much more). But also good to see this in order to know what and why I do not like it. I hope that Ildiko did not feel insulted by my feedback because she was assisting the choreographer. I need to find better venues here. Being interested in Performance Art, Experimental Theatre, Visual Art. The stuff I saw in the beginning of the week at the Judson Church was more elaborated in terms of physicality. That was good to see. I am so hungry for starting my own stuff right now. I really need to create. I am almost getting sick of not being able to get it out. I need rehearsal space. I even cancelled a trip to the beach with Ildiko and Justin today because I need time for myself and my work. Maybe it sounds stupid, but I really need this time of sitting in a comfortable environment (i cannot concentrate everywhere though) and getting my thoughts together. The sun is shining and makes it kind of difficult to stay inside. Right now I am in the cafe close to my flat in Queens. Want to finish this entry, book rehearsal space, organizing my agenda (there is so much stuff I want to do that I really need to plan it carefully).
Since some days already I want to buy the novel Death In Venice by Thomas Mann. A German writer that becomes so present while being here. Maybe it is also not that strange that you connect more with the things that are close to you as soon as you leave them far behind. Anyway, since I got so inspired by the writings of Hemmingway, I was questioning myself whether I have ever read something else that was similar impressive. It was Death in Venice. I need to read this book again. In English. These days I like narration. And male protagonists.
My work with the ERS is highly terrific. I feel fully integrated in the company by know, having spent Wednesday and Thursday fully there (11am-11pm) and Saturday (10am-6pm). I am spending time in the office (research on computer, printing stuff, sending mail etc.) as well as in the rehearsal space or running through the city to buy things. I am mostly working on getting the props together. For the play they need plenty of polycarbonate glasses, trays, tablecloths, fake wine, a sword etc. etc. It is exciting work to do. I have to research for the most inexpensive and real looking possibilities. And it gives a good feeling when John, the director, likes what I bought and keeps it for the real set design. Sometimes I am on book with Sarah or she asks me to take notes on the timing of the dances or a special scene. I am getting used to the details, transitions and I am witnessing how this performance is growing. I think they worked through half of the book till now and they have material for one and a half hour. John starts cutting a lot right now. Need to be shorter. The piece will premier next year in Edinghburg, but there is a showing in two weeks in Sarasota, Florida. I can feel people getting a little bit nervous about it. It is a nice tension. Concentration. And so lovely people. Still, I experience a contradiction between my high respect towards all of them as well as my wish to get more personal with them (especially with Ben maybe?). Nothing to loose, right?
Finish with this: Tomorrow I have an appointment at the Garage with Jamie. He is my contact person to the Wooster Group (the company I originally wanted to work with). And, finally, it seems that I can sneak in. I hoped that it would be like this: once in New York the door will open up by themselves…
9/ 15 Hey!
I have just spent some effort to upload new photos. Needed to create a new account because the other one did not have enough upload space for all my visual candies. The links are:
http://picasaweb.google.com/stephanie.luehn/BrooklynBridge#
http://picasaweb.google.com/stephanie.luehn/AtHudsonRiverViewNewJersey#
(How I organize the albums is still a bit messy, gonna work on that) But I think you get an impression of what kind of wonderful time I do spend here…
9/ 14 Mr President
Today I forgot to take my camera – I have seen Barack Obama (!) – found my favorite NY Spot – saw a free performance at Judson Church – did satisfy my ravenous appetite for sugar with plenty of those God damned sweet Marshmallow Rice Krispies Treats – came two times late for Yoga bcz the subway got stuck – realize that I need studio space to start my rehearsals – need to get drunk with Ildiko again like last Friday after we saw some German short movies – discovered Greenwich Village – was still disappointed about the Dutch Festival that I visited yesterday – but got compensated by my first ferry tour, an amazing Manhattan skyline and a free fireworks show – went with the flow at a fare at Lexington Avenue – talked to some handsome guys (in the future I will refer to them as eye candy) – getting worried about my money considering all the amazing art events that are coming up this Fall – … – … – … did my first washing today. Why is this worth mentioning? Because it is a good feeling when this kind of everyday life stuff starts to become part of the day. After three weeks in NYC I feel more home day by day, getting used to the way of life. With each new day I spend here, I discover more things to see and more stuff to do. Enjoy.
9/ 11
This morning when I woke up it was raining. Gonna be the first day since my arrival that I am not wearing my Flip Flops but my sneakers again. Seems that Fall is arriving at New York. It is a bit after noon now and I have just finished a skype conversation with Nariman, friend from Paf. Was a good conversation though. A bit about everything, but I got inspired by us talking about today´s date, about the fact of believing, about politics and art. There is a lot to think about and to work on, I feel. I really need to take time for that next to my desire to stay receptive and to suck in everything around me. This is not possible. It is too much. And I want to try to let the time teach and tell me about how and where to go rather than me wanting to do so. These are just some thoughts in this very moment.
I am sitting in our living room, lights are on because it is quite dark outside. Had a long and big breakfast, a hot shower, was cleaning my room. Now it feels more homy. Everyone´s at work. And I enjoy the time of being alone in a comfortable surrounding, while it is raining buckets of water. Feels like a grounded beginning of the day, which later I want to continue with a Yoga class and a visit to the “German House” (Deutsches Haus), where I am gonna watch some short movies with Ildiko tonight. It seems a nice institution though, organizing some social events in order to strengthen the American-German relations. Also there is a festival going on these days, which is called “Holland on the Hudson”. A lot of Dutch activities, historic, artistic stuff. I will also visit something on Sunday. It´s supposed to be not raining that day. Just yesterday evening when I was returning from the ERS rehearsal to the subway station, I thought: “It is worth to sometimes lift your head, Stephanie, inbetween all this hectic running and passing shops and people.” Why? Because when I looked up, there was the Empire State Building just appearing right in front of me. I have never been that close. And then I realized that tonight it was lighted with orange lights. The days before (because of Labor Day), it was lit in the national colors blue, white, red. Seeing the orange color instead, I immediately made the connection to Amsterdam. I was surprised about how Dutch I think. Anyway, today I suppose that it has really to do with this Holland event that is going on in the city these days.
I got an email from school telling me that I will be able to perform my next piece in Frascati Theatre. I am happy about this decision because it is one of my favorite venues in Amsterdam. And a good one to show my work there. Still waiting for a confirmation from the Barishnikov Arts Center about the rehearsal space rental. Talking about rehearsal, I want to add some things to my entry from yesterday. My office hours at the ERS lasted from noon till 5pm. I was asked to order some things online for the company – which made me nervous because spending someone else´s money feels uncomfortable – and then to research for new material that will be needed: tablecloths, plastic buckets, a water carafe. I was working in there with Sarah, Tory and John. For the first time I dared to approach John more personal, I mean I would talk to him, telling him how much I enjoy the rehearsals and the material they are working on bla bla bla. And Sarah would give me a list of things that I had to go through with John. Later I did some simple paper work, scanning things, sending emails. Rehearsal started at 6:30pm and before that I went to buy the table cloths and look around for the water carafe. It was similar to last week that I crushed in the full on rush hour time. And again I thought: this is crazy! Subways are just so amazingly crowded. People are running. Cars on the streets are honking non-stop, police people having a hard time to control the traffic. I was late for rehearsal. They were working on the Matador scene with Mike and Kaneza. Ben was there, too, and Matt (sound). Sarah, John, Catherine as always. And I finally met Katherina Profeta. She is the choreographer of the group and the actual link between me and the ERS. She is friend with Kat and Frank from Amsterdam and this is how the contact was initially established. Later that night they worked on the bull scene with Susie and John and the big dance scene with all of them. People dropped in at different times. Apparently they are knowing when which scene is going to be polished. It was such an energetic atmosphere in that small room up there in the sixth floor. We were laughing a lot, people were joking while trying out different things, giving more depth to each of their characters. I was proud when the dance scene started. I was working so hard on the translation of the steps for Sarah and it seemed to work out really well. Almost every movement was connected to the right count. In the end of the rehearsal I would have been able to dance it myself. So engaged I was. I am a theatrical sponge these days. It was also much more fun to follow the scenes after having read the novel, sometimes nobody told me on which page they are but I knew it because I read it myself. It felt that people could appreciate my presence more. I had one gaze-moment with Ben (!), a cigarette-moment with Matt, a sock-moment with Susie (she forgot her socks, so I gave her mine), some looking at-moments with Mike, funny talk with Sarah, saying hi-moment with Katherina and cell phone number exchange-moment with Catherina. Very cool. Very nice. Two more things I need to talk about: Kaneza is working with the Wooster Group as well and she said that we will work on bringing me in there for rehearsals some time as well. I will contact Jamie (my contact person when I applied for the internship with the Wooster Group) today and ask about any possibility. Kaneza was really enthusiastic and willing to help me getting in. And: it was already interesting to see John working on the physicality of the performers by himself when the choreographer was not there in the rehearsals. I think he has a really clear vision about how something should look like and what kind of body tension that needs. But now, with the choreographer next to him, he would loose a bit of his director´s strength. Sometimes she got really detailed, while he seems to prefer the material more rough and loose. There is also something going on about how he and she would talk differently about imagination and where you wanna draw the audience´s attention to. The conflict here appeared in the fact that the choreographer tried to talk about something from the performer´s perspective, while John is talking from the spectator´s point of view. It was healing for me to see them working with the material in such a physical way and I think I can learn a lot from them. Finally, John is the one who says yes or no and he is very clear in that. After he took a decision there is no space for discussing it further, he would not even listen to the choreographer giving suggestions anymore. Sometimes I think that it would be nice to talk about things or giving questions to John and the performers in a more personal dialogue. Actually, I have a lot of questions and I am curious about how it happens that this group works so physical and how John selects material and what the work of research does mean to him. How much is he doing and how much is the work shared? Questions over questions. Happy about that because it keeps me going and curious, and wanting to ask those questions to myself. I feel I spent enough time on the computer for now. I am relieved about how my mood this week is developing. I remember tuesday night, 9/8, being quite annoyed and sad at the same time. In the early afternoon I would already write this sentence in my blog: “Feeling a bit restless today, frenetic even. Maybe too much caffeine???” Don´t know why but I was just in a bad mood, not wanting to talk to anyone. I locked myself in my room that night, sleeping bad again, waking up with screaming children from the school yard around the corner and high speed cars under my window (usually I do not care about those noises at all). I think it would be too pretentious to not have mentioned this little down. After all, I know how I feel today: I feel good! (Knowing that my Mum is feeling good as well – so erleichtert über Deine email – and knowing that the end always includes the chance of a new beginning – have a great Night, Tamara!)
9/ 10 Just a small Good Night entry…
Simply because I cannot go to bed without leaving a comment on my blog. This day was too amazing and too satisfying for me to not mention it in its most pure and right-in-this-moment form. It is an accumulation of events and emotions that appeared during the day. And what makes me so happy about them is that they are all connected to my internship at the ERS. Internship includes the getting to know of the company members as well as their way of working. At the same time it is about me figuring out my role within the established dynamics, dealing with other peoples´s artistic process, managing how much and why I want to engage in the material and, finally, how all that reflects on my state of being. I am getting really passionate about the group and the performance they are working on. The energy is infectious. And today it seemed that the ice broke (I got a bit more loose and less serious about myself and it felt that especially John, the director, de-froze, too, by acknowledging me more, laughing together and giving his “Of course, you can come to rehearsal tonight” answer to me. After the working day in the office, I went to rehearsal from 6:30pm to 10pm. Again, I have to admit that the stuff they are doing is quite detailed and humorous. And I like it. I was laughing a lot. I mean: really honestly laughing, not pretending. Isn´t that beautiful? Anyway, by now it is late already. I will go to sleep soon, processing the impressions. More details tomorrow…
08.09.2009/ Awaiting the sunset
So yesterday, Labor Day. Even in a city like New York you could feel that this was a special day – holiday for schools, offices, some restaurants and shops. I liked the atmosphere since it forces me to slow down my own pace, too. There was a special yoga schedule. I began the day with a class at noon. Then taking a train to the City Hall, coffee there with my tourist guide in front of me. I was up for some attraction. I wanted it and I got it! I walked Brooklyn Bridge from Manhattan to Brooklyn. Strolling, right above the water, next to incredible fast speed cars and cabs, it gave me the creeps, tears in my eyes, I was so happy. Honestly, even after two full weeks of being here, I cannot believe that this is real. Me here is so surreal. Glad I took my camera yesterday. That way I could take plenty of pictures which was really necessary. Since the view on the skyline, the water, Governor´s Island, Statue of Liberty was just too breathtaking to not want making pictures of that. Again, I was facing the fact that being alone during this kind of moments is not too nice. Especially, because I really wanted some pictures including myself (I want to prove that I am really, physically here…). And trying to photograph myself with the camera in one hand seems not easy though. And, yes, I am a bit too stubborn to ask another tourist to take a picture. I have this illusion that as long as I do not take out my map and my camera, people might think that I am from here. Writing this, I feel really stupid about it. And even later that day, I would just make pictures of myself and everything around and it was fun. Why would I have to pretend anything?
Once arrived in Brooklyn, I took a look at some clothing shops. Just going with the flow. There was a girl, while overtaking me she made a comment about my shoes: “Nice Flip Flops, you have.” “Thank you so much”, I said. I became hungry. But wanted to wait. For the two hot spots in DUMBO (Down Under Manhattan Bridge Overpass – this is the name of the area where I spent the afternoon. Till now it is my favorite neighborhood. Close to the water. Bit industrial atmosphere. Close to Manhattan. New performance spaces appearing): Grimaldi´s Pizza and the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory. I would find both of them. For the pizza I would have to stand on line for about 40minutes. That was too long for then. I think it is also much more nice to go there once with some people. But, I got an amazing scoop of vanilla chocolate chunk ice cream. And, yes, it is the best ice cream you can imagine (and people who know me, know that I have experience in ice cream tasting. I know what I am talking about). So, there I was sitting right at the water, with this delicious food sensation, watching the sun going down behind Manhattan´s skyline. With the sun hiding behind the skyscrapers, it got colder, but I really really wanted to stay till it got dark. Awaiting the sunset. I was so inspired to take some nice pictures and walk the Brooklyn Bridge back towards Manhattan in the dark. I tell you, it was so amazingly awesome. Wonderful! Plenty of pictures I made. And when my walk came to an end, I had hard times to take my eyes from everything I saw. Although knowing that I can repeat this walk whenever I want, the feeling was so strong and honest in that very moment that leaving it behind did pain.
When I arrived home, everyone was already sleeping and I went to bed soon, too. Strange enough it was the first night that I slept quite uneasy, waking up a lot. Hope it is not going to happen again. I don´t know insomnia, actually. It is because of this disturbed night that I was kind of grumpy when I met Ildiko and Josh this morning. So I quickly brushed my teeth and went off to take some Yoga. Indeed, I feel much better afterwards. What a class! Sweating like hell at 9:30 in the morning. Right now I am having a medium Latte in the cafe next door. Finally, I did some shopping in the supermarket. Just some basics: Yoghurt, Cereals, Ketchup, Carrots… Although it is still so much more tempting to take something like a yummy bagel, some Chinese stuff or a burger. Oooopss…it is just too good to try avoiding it. There are some things that I need to do today: trying to get some rehearsal space fixed, finding some nice note book to start writing for my next piece (ideas are jumping in now and then), getting some cash to pay the movement research class tonight, checking some stuff for my work at the ERS. Feeling a bit restless today, frenetic even. Maybe too much caffeine???
06.09.2009/ Hung-over
I could not finish my story yesterday. Because I went out to an Irish Bar with Justin. To round it up though: after my afternoon in Williamsburg I went to take a Yoga class. The teacher´s name is Kara, she has just come back from a trip to India. She has a strong energy. Do like her class. And I was so happily surprised when she would go through the room, welcoming new students, looking at me, saying: “You are Stephanie. I don´t know why but I remember your name.” I mean, there are always plenty of people, also always new people, so to me it felt special that she could remember me among all those others. It was a sweaty class and I would go home afterwards, taking some dusk-in-New York-pictures on my way (uploading them later). Oh, and to reveal the title of my entry: I allowed myself a Strawberry Wild Drink, which is frozen yoghurt, banana and strawberry juice. It almost had the texture of ice cream, but the taste of a powerful and fresh vitamin drink. Just amazing.
So when I arrived home it was about 8pm. Quite early. I sat down in the living room, drinking a Corona beer, talking to Justin and Josh (still not sure about the name of this room mate), starting to write my diary. I told them that I felt like going to a bar so much but don´t know how and where. “I´ll gonna show you a nice place then”, Justin said. Yeah! He is a spontaneous guy. We took the mountain bikes and rode to an Irish bar, about ten minutes away. Both of us wanted to take it easy, going home not too late (he needed to work in the morning and I wanted to catch a train to the beach). To cut a long story short: we had a fantastic evening, ongoing conversations, some joking with the bar tenders and a very high bill. And really, really drunk. We went home around 2am. We had difficulties to be calm and quiet in the living room, both of us in this talkative and active mood. Anyway, I went to sleep without brushing my teeth and this is really something that I only do when it is already far. I woke up at nine this morning. Feeling so sick and miserable. Deeply hung-over. Now, four hours later, I am having a wonderful time. Believe it or not, I am sitting with my laptop in a little Park opposite of our house and I can access Internet here. Next to me a multigrain bagel with creamy melted cheese, bacon and egg. I cannot describe how delicious this is. Perfect food in a perfect moment. I think I will hang around in my neighborhood today, keeping the beach trip for tomorrow or so. Justin told me about a party tonight on a boat. Starting at 8pm, it goes around the south top of Manhattan. To go there I have to reserve a ticket via Internet. It would cost me quite a bit, but it sounds super cool. On the other hand, after yesterday night I am more in the mood for something less crowded and more purifying. Anyway, I will see. Ildiko comes back from London tomorrow. She did the audition for DV8, but was not invited for the call back. Wanna give her a warm welcome though. What a pity, I just finished my bagel. Gonna take a little after-lunch sleep now. Sunday´s are nice…
05.09.2009/ Strawberry Wild
Labor Day weekend in New York. Took it quite easy the last two days. After a stressful week, I tried to find some sort of resting zone. Went to Brooklyn yesterday, exploring Prospect Park over there. And, yes, it is really possible to find places in New York that are not crowded and overloaded. Strolling around the Park, there were quite a few moments in that nobody was around. Me and myself under trees, looking at a huge grass desert. Always carrying `The Sun also rises` with me now. Then I can simply sit down somewhere and read some pages before continuing my walking tours. Walking out of the Park, I got lost as I was searching for the next subway entrance in order to catch a train to my Yoga class in Manhattan. It was a busy, African-like street, somewhere in Southern Brooklyn and it took me a while till I realized: I am the only one far around who is NOT black. I was labeling myself as being a minority. That was so strange. Not that the other people reacted strange or so, it was just me that felt slightly uncomfortable. It became even more weird when I saw two policemen standing on the other side of the road: they were white. I was never before confronted with this kind of issues. Right now I wonder why I have to visit a foreign country to get more aware of racial questions. Well, probably it is more prominent here because of the countries history of exploiting the black as being slaves. Earlier today, I got reminded by the nearer coming, horrible date of September 11. While sitting at the water in Williamsburg, looking at the Manhatten skyline across the river, I was wondering about where inbetween all this enormous buildings has ever been place for those towers of the World Trade Center? I have no idea where they have been standing. And I felt bad about it. And somehow guilty for not knowing. Gonna get myself going to the memorial place soon.
Williamsburg. I spent the whole afternoon there, sitting in the sun at the water (it is so fucking hot in this city). On my way to this beautiful spot, I crossed a street full of hip and young people, gathering in fancy cafes and pretending to be cool. It felt a bit like that at least. Ildiko and Justin told me that this neighborhood is supposed to be inhabited by artists. Rent for one month: 1000$. My question: how can any artist afford paying this amount of money? Ildiko: they are just pretending to be artists, their real job is being son and daughter, getting paid by Mummy and Daddy. So I was slightly prejudiced by this comment. Anyway, it is a fantastic area to live. And there was a cool flea market, selling tons of clothes, books and music.
04.09.2009/ Cafescape
Here I am sitting right now, on a Friday morning in a small Starbucks-like cafe with WiFi access just about five minutes away from my house. It is 10.45am and already 22°. Of course, I am drinking a Latte. Yesterday evening I came home at about 11pm. Rather than rushing with writing my entry, I decided to do it today, dedicating some quality time to it. It can happen really quickly to me that this diary thing becomes a sort of obligation and this is definitely not what it is supposed to be about, I think. So, here I am sitting right now after two intense days with the ERS. Like I wrote earlier, I feel taken really serious by them, allowed to work independently and free. I have this thing going on that I really want them to like me and be happy about my work. Always afraid that I am more a pain in the ass than a helping hand. But it seems to go well. I mean, I was stunned that I could attend both of the rehearsals on Wednesday and Thursday this week. Was pretty cool to see though. People at work, their behaviors during the rehearsal, the role of the director John. I could witness the rehearsal of three particular scenes. I bought the book “The Sun also Rises” by Ernest Hemingway since this is the base for this piece. So I could follow some scenes word by word, which makes it interesting in terms of observing how the voice itself can add so much more depth to a character. Also amazing to see how physical they work. The vocabulary that John uses to direct the actors is quite dance-orientated and often he would show stuff by himself. He would talk about: “I need more tension in this section, try a releve, a plie, don´t pause here but immediately go upstage…etc”. Yesterday they worked on two bull fighting scenes (earlier that day in the office I was researching again for some props like swords e.g). One was played by Susie (Matador) and Ben (oh my gosh – what a cute guy! – of course, he is miming the bull with the help of a big table). In the other one Kaneza (the bullfighter Belmonte) and Mike (reading the real text from the novel, while having a gaze-play going on between Belmonte and another actress). I was laughing so much at some points because some timing stuff (e.g. just little turn of Kaneza´s head at the perfect moment) makes it really comical. Love it! The atmosphere is easy during the rehearsals. It seems that the actors decide about the tempo and repetitions of things rather than John. Sometimes discussions about specific order of footsteps e.g. would start but then it is Sarah, who always brings everyone together again and John will say from where he wants to see the scene again. Sarah has an amazing job: she is writing everything down which John is saying in the rehearsal. Really everything. This is probably also why I never saw him writing anything. He fully engages in watching and sensing what is going on in the rehearsal space. The day before yesterday the group was working on the main dance scene of the piece. It is based on a video from Dominique Walter (Le petit boudins). I worked on translating the whole dance on paper yesterday morning in the office. I am not yet finished with everything but it really felt like I was doing something useful. Usually Sarah was supposed to do that in order to hand it out to the performers so that they have something concrete to learn from. But apparently Sarah does not have a clue about movement and dance (she says this herself) so I could be a helping hand with that. And, yes, I like to work on this detailed stuff. So I started both my days, Wednesday and Thursday at 11am and ended at 10pm. Inbetween office hours and rehearsal time, I was always send on tour to buy stuff anywhere in New York. That was quite tough and almost too much to take. Because this task would always have to be done between five and seven in the evening: rush hour time. And that sucks! I mean, love it here and everything, but “going to shop” at rush hour time with the pressure of being somewhere else soon is not the most funny activity that I can imagine to do.
Full days on and I am so amazingly motivated to also start rehearsing for my own stuff soon. The ERS is rehearsing in the Barishnikov Arts Center these days. You cannot imagine the studios up there. 6th floor, windows all around, view on an amazing skyline towards New Jersey/ West and one of the most stunning sunsets I have ever seen in my life. I need to rent this studio to start my rehearsal process. Obviously it is no problem to rent. But, guess what, it is incredibly expensive again. Talking about money, I might drop the electric zoo event this weekend. Yesterday after rehearsal I asked around if someone wanted to join. But they also said it is expensive and they were talking about only going to the after parties in a club called Pacha instead or heading to a Warp Records Party tonight. Not sure about whether to go, yet. Latter one is not really the music I am looking for to dance. But I really need to dance. Definitely I need to go to Yoga. My neck is so fucked up from rushing through the city and sitting behind the computer. So, let´s see what comes. Not worried, because there is always stuff to do here. I recently read this quote: “If you are bored in NYC, it is your own fault.”
Note: this needs extra attention in a separate chapter some time, but: I have to admit that the eating mentality comes quite close to how I like it: cooking your own stuff seems not to be done so much. Instead you grab something on your way. Eating it in your office or simply on the way. Yesterday Sarah wanted to order some stuff from a bagel shop that is just ten minutes walking from the office. Hello? I was surprised about that luxurious attitude. I said to pick it up and save the delivery costs. She ordered: a multigrain bagel with bacon, egg and cheddar cheese. The smell? Wooow! And it was incredibly cheap as well. Yesterday when I left rehearsal I was glad to be in a city like New York. I still could eat wherever and whatever I was craving for. Let´s see for how long I can appreciate the express-food system.
Oh, last night John, Mike and Ben(!) went to a bar after rehearsal and the girls were on the way to join them, asking me if I want to come, too. My first verbal impuls that came out was: “No thanx, I should go home, I am done for today.” GGGGRRRRRRR! Sitting in the subway back to Queens I got so annoyed by myself. I should have bite the bullet. On the other hand, I was really not up for much more conversation (although with a beer everything goes a bit more smooth as we all know). Anyway, there will be another chance. Next time I´ll join. Looking forward. So excited. Thinking about how the last two days went, it tickles all over my body. My body starts to respond on what is happening around me. I am alive!
02.09.2009/ Full-on working day
OMG (oh my god)! Somewhere in the middle of this day I thought that I won´t make it till the end. I got quite freaked out on the fact that the city, as well as my role as being an intern with the ERS, are challenging me more than I could have expected. I entered the office today around 11am. Full house, working atmosphere and I was immediately put to work, too. I needed to find out about a reduction card called “Made in NY” for that the company wants to apply, researching for several props like breakable bottles and plastic Martini glasses. It´s not that I do not know how to use Google, but the fact of being in the US makes some stuff more complicated: the currency, the abbreviations, different measuring units etc. And what made it probably the most scaring for me was the fact that Sarah trusts me completely, gives me complete freedom and responsibility and told me to order anything if I think it is the thing we are searching for. Taking me that serious, of course, I do not want to disappoint them in what I do – – – interruption – – – Ildiko just tells me that she is invited to the DV8 audition in London this weekend. It is a great company, but it would cost her a thousand Dollar to go. She needs some help with her decision. Gonna leave my entry for today. Although there is so much more to say about my working day. P.S. I was allowed to attend a rehearsal today. I say: very cool, very inspiring, very nice sun setting in one of the Barishnikov Studios…tomorrow more!
01.09.2009/ $ $ $
Breath in … and breath out … just returning from my first class in the Movement Research Center on Broadway. I really thought that I won´t make it since I was really late (some sort of guy called Jesse, who I met in Central Park sitting on a bench next to me, kept on talking and I was too polite to leave him when I actually had to go). So when I stepped out the subway I really wanted to get a coffee (didn´t had one yet and it becomes a real habit: the Starbucks coffee and a cigarette) but just had thirty more minutes to get to the studio. I did it like the typical New Yorker then, just grabbing the coffee and running with it through the crowded streets while drinking. In these kind of moments, you just want to reach your destination and you walk without seeing anything around you. I hope that sooner or later I can calculate and organize my time a bit smarter in order to be able to enjoy and pay attention on my ways to through the city. Because there is so much beauty, interesting and crazy stuff going on.
The class was good. Intense and deep. A bit slow maybe. But for today it was perfect like how it was. The teacher is Barbara Mahler and she seems to be known for her experience in the Klein Technique. The studio was great. Right on Broadway, 4th floor, you could hear the street noises while trying to focus on your heels, pelvis, shoulder blades. The people felt quite detached from each other. Quite anonymous though. But also nice that it is this kind of drop-in class. Then dropping in indeed feels a bit more easy and comfortable compared to a fixed group. Gonna go back to this class. But need to take care of my money. Paying almost everywhere with my credit card makes me loose the overview. Shit. Great performances are coming up and two workshops with Deborah Hay and Miguel Gutierrez. And: an amazing electronic festival this weekend on Randall´s Island (don´t even try to estimate the price for purchasing a ticket – it is far too much. Still I think of going…)
Being in Central Park feels restorative. Especially with the sun and blue sky. Everything is still green and fresh. And I was wondering how this will change during my stay here. When fall is coming the leaves will change their color and trees will get naked. I am so lucky to be able to stay here for a whole three months. I love transformation and change. It is also always a bit scary to undergo this process. But deep inside of me I am longing for this refreshing and challenging experience. Probably this is also why I have such a fantastic time in this new environment. Because it makes me re-inventing a big part of how I live and work. Tomorrow I am starting my work at the ERS quite early. Back to Brooklyn after having spent most of my last days in Manhatten. I do not know how the city that obviously never sleeps can stand the pace but I need to take some sleep right now.
31.08.2009/ Anniversary
It was only this morning when I stepped into the elevator that I realized: hey, one week passed since your arrival and so much has already happened! It put me into celebration mode…
In search of the Movement Research Centre, where I want to take class from tomorrow on, I started my tour at Union Square today. From there I wanted to walk down Broadway in order to find the dance studio. And walking for many hours, of course, I was running into nice moments again: 1. A big market at Union Square with all kinds of inexpensive and delicious looking fruits, vegetables, bread, cheese, cookies 2. a closed dance studio 3. a pair of boots that cost as much as one month rent – but still i like them 4. an opening cloud cover and more sun appearing 5. rushing to my noon Yoga class 6. discovering a lot of green spots in the city, nice little parks with WiFi access – I see myself there sitting with my laptop very soon 7. following my intuition, which told me: go straight until you gonna reach the horizon. And what was expecting me there? The Battery Park at the Southern top of Manhattan, offering an impressive view of huge water and the Statue of Liberty far away. Seeing water in a city like NY is kind of surrealistic but certainly liberating. In this sense, the Statute of Liberty, conveys two times freedom for me. I had a calm moment out there. And even though it is an absolute touristic hot spot, I found a bench near the water that was really quiet. In spite of all the rushing, seeing, experiencing, overload of information and consumerism, I feel more ascetic than ever. I simply get everything that I need these days. I feel nourished and satisfied. Every evening I am saturated and rich. I always think it is good to sleep then in order to digest and process my impressions. I took some first pictures the last days. I really, really try to upload them tomorrow on my flickr account. I like pictures.
Closing today´s circle, coming back to anniversary: I just received a wonderful anniversary present – getting a message that says “Good nite stephanie”
30.08.2009/ Easy SUN-day
While yesterday I was talking about my inner clock at the end of my diary entry, today´s spontaneity overruled my organization of time. It was a hot day and I met Ildiko and Justin in the hip zone of Brooklyn – Williamsburg. Super nice area, with nice cafes, outlet stores and a sunday flea market. We ended up in a “Biergarten” (here are plenty of these German beer bars), drinking a lot of Gaffel Kölsch. That was fun. And we got each other to know in a more, let´s say, informal setting. After having drunk about two huge glasses of home brewed beer, I headed off to my yoga class. This sounds crazy and it was crazy indeed. Better never do Yoga in half drunken state. Anyway, I got quite some positive insights from todays´s class. It was the first time since I am in NYC that I could give into a sensation of melting, just being, doing nothing, expecting nothing and being able to admit weakness and softness. Some strange release happened. I was crying. Not for any emotional reason or so. It simply felt like all that tension and fear which has built up while preparing this trip could finally find its way out while streaming freely. And I could acknowledge the fact that I am disappointed about how some things went wrong with people in Amsterdam and that I fucking got hurt. I am accepting it.
Today I am leaving the Yoga studio extremely purified and truly happy. (And just having watched myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth, it even seems that my eyes and my whole face are more open and easy).
The evening I spent strolling through the city with my photo camera, enjoying that beautiful change of light that happens from day to night. In the subway a touching moment: a Chinese boy came to me:” Excuse me, could you do me a favor please?” I said: “Sure.” He (giving me a single white flower): “Could you take this home and give it some water?” This was so cute! I protected this fragile flower really careful until I arrived home. Put it into a vase. And now it is standing on our living room table. We (Ildiko, Justin, me) just finished two episodes of a famous TV series called Dexter. Shame on me: I have never seen it before, although it is really popular. Anyway, it was the perfect finishing of this easy, cosy sunday. The last thing that I am gonna write for now is a sentence which the Yoga teacher was saying today somewhere in the middle of the class and that kept on turning in my head: You do not believe in rain but you still get wet…
29.08.2009 (www.prospectpark.org/calendar/event/MJ)/ loving it – craving for it – addicted
New York is working on me like a drug. Endorphins and energy. Imagine you are extremely tired after six rainy hours walking through endless streets plus a Yoga workout that bursts your thigh muscles. Imagine you want to go home, take a shower, get rid of your sweaty clothes and grab something nice to eat. That´s your plan, at least. But this city knows better: I am walking, hearing some dull noise from far away. Maybe it is the subway under the pavements? But the sound is becoming louder and more detailed. A base, a drum, some electronic colorings. Music. I just stumbled into an event called the Summer Stage in Central Park. Huge concert going on with one of the most amazing DJ´s on earth: Andy Moor (http://www.facebook.com/djandymoor). I would have needed a ticket to get into the area. But it was already amazing to listen to his sounds from outside, sitting on a bench in Central Park. I sat there among a lot of other people who seem to enjoy this early evening concert as well. It was also one out of a few moments of the day that I could forget about my umbrella (bought it yesterday and is already crowned best investment ever).
Note: Thanx to Tamara, who gave me a voice recorder as a birthday present right before I left Amsterdam. This way I can immediately capture my incredible moments. Never ending moments indeed:
On my way out of Central Park, I saw couples having a tango lesson right there on the spot with real musicians playing and a big crowd (me too) watching them. I saw horse-drawn carriages, painters who make a portrait of you for 10$. I remember me thinking: oh, this is quite romantic and nostalgic. And slowly but steadily, I were surrounded by tourists, children, parents, couples, fancy 5th Avenue girls and there I was: right on my way to Times Square. Nostalgia versus multimedia spectacle 2009. My NY guide says that this place is not worth going to at all. But I was just magically pulled towards the crowds, the lights, the music, this lively pulsation. My feet were so tired but something made me go on. I wanted it. I wanted more. I couldn´t stop. And then I had my cliche NY moment: standing in the middle of Times Square, being incredibly happy, feeling so big and so tiny small in between this massive consumption praise. I really cannot express my impressions properly. And I wish that you (whoever wants to be you) could be here so that you could see and feel it yourself. Having no one here to share my beautiful moments with is not easy though. And if it would not already be 5am in Europe, I would call you now (thank you so much for your postcard – I got it today). I am so full, so loaded, craving for plenty more things to discover (found a great trance/ progressive music club in Greenwich Village – this is gonna be my destination soon – yes, it is saturday night and my inner clock is telling me: Party!)
28.08.2009/ Jamais Vu (Never Seen)
Just arriving home with Ildiko, my lovely room mate. She invited me for a work-in-progress showing of one of her friends. We saw a preview of the performance “Jamais Vu”. (Although having left the place quite inspired) I am not so excited about the showing itself, but even more about the events that happened apart from the actual performance. And talking about events I mean encounters with people: there is Darren, who performed this evening as well, with whom I shared a cigarette while watching Brooklyn Bridge at night. Joe, who recently was in Amsterdam for a collaboration with my teacher Janine Durning. Then, a girl that I just met today in my Yoga class and someone called Pavel, who told me that he studied at the SNDO a long time ago. Writing about these meetings, it seems so normal. But, honestly, I am totally flabbergasted by all these coincidences within a time frame of not even two hours. Not to forget that this is only day number four in New York and that there a plenty of other performances going on in the whole city, while this one happened in a recently new opened art space – studio MTG in the so-called hip/ DUMBO area in Brooklyn. Awesome evening thus (thanx also to some glasses of free red wine) that peaked out with the visit to a nearby bar with some people and a car ride home.
It was a rainy day, too. Actually, a lot of rain. It seems that tomorrow the Hurricane Danny might hit NY and that´s why the weather is becoming so terrible. Anyway, I have spent most of my time today in my new Yoga studio. It is so good to have some workout again. I rediscovered some muscles and tendons in my body that I had almost forgotten about they exist. And I am feeling so fucking good about it. Somehow taken by this beautiful sensation, I could handle my ways through Manhattan more comfortable and more aligned than yesterday. And I got more comfortable with navigating through the subway labyrinth and Avenues. I am a bit proud about myself .
Some ideas for my next research came up. And I found the Movement Research Center on 219 West 19th Street. I am soon trying to take classes there in order to get some physical exploration going. I am electrified. Energized. Driven by some sort of spirit that I cannot pin down but that feels vital and fleshy.
Gonna fall asleep now. Thinking of continuing this entry later. Was great to get some artistic input today. So I might add some thoughts on that and my own ideas as well. Tomorrow. Tomorrow has already started by now. No tomorrow then, but today.
p.s. Somewhere in the middle of Lexington Avenue I had a Deja Vu today. How is this possible? I have never been walking in this Street before. Never visited NY before. Never Seen this before. But I am sure: I have been here before…
27.08.09/ ON/OFF/and ON again
Ok. I am in a city with about 8 million other people. Today I got a glimpse of what THAT means. It was the day of loosing virginity. Operation Manhattan. In the web I have searched for places to take some yoga classes. Most of them are Uptown. So after having finished my second day at the ERS, I decided to get to Manhatten, destination 1319 West 3rd Avenue.
Note: today I was alone in the office with Sarah. I worked on updating the company´s data base, buying Sarah´s favourite focaccia from a shop called “Green Grape”, printing labels for several files, checking some archived material of previous shows, and shopping some props for the upcoming performance. That was fun. The stage design is something that I pay a lot of attention to in my own productions as well. I think it is important. So I tried to select the props carefully today, running from shop to shop in order to find the perfect objects. Hope that John agrees with my choices and that the things I bought will appear on stage.
Once I have arrived on the other side of the Hudson River, there was a complete new energy going on: People in the subway terminals were running, determined, regardless of consequences (for example me standing motionless in the middle of the crowd and not having any clue of which direction to take). Finally I simply pretended knowing where to go and I adjusted to the general pace. Following the mass of people through the underground corridors, I would find myself appearing in the middle of Manhattans´s early evening street life.
Manhatten. I say: wow. And: me dressed in simple shorts and flip flops felt slightly inappropriate. But: I found it! An awesome Yoga Studio. Gonna start my training tomorrow. Yeah! At that point of this day I felt completely ON track. Just some minutes later I would take the wrong entrance to a subway train and I got in huge trouble with a subway employee. I should read the signs more carefully. Hello? Sorry? This is just my third day in NYC and I come from Amsterdam. No excuse, he said. And I should not consider him offensive, he said. This was a complete OFF track moment and I thought of walking home rather than ever stepping in this train again. But finally he opened a special gate and I could continue my ride home to Queens. I swiped my metrocard through the right entrance gate and I was ON track again. Very good feeling though. On my way back I got rewarded with the skyscraper´s twinkling lights that were flickering far away by now. It got dark already and I was starving. So I finished my day a la American Style: ordering a sandwich and a big coke light and eating it on the way…
26.08.09/ ERS # one
I was quite nervous when I first entered into this building on 138 South Oxford St. today.
After all, my internship at the Elevator Repair Service is my prior motivation for coming to NY. The welcome felt warm and easy. Sarah (assistant company and stage manager) introduced me to the building and the office. We worked up there with Tory Vazquez (company manager), Ariana Smart Truman (Company and Stage manager) and George. Most of them have also been performing in some ERS productions. I like this fact since it connects the office work authentically to the artistic process as well. It is the deal that I will spend at least my first week with doing some administrative stuff. Later on John (artistic director) will allow me to sneak into rehearsals now and then, depending on how smooth the process goes. Right now the company is rehearsing for a new production in some space outside the office building. I was immediately put at work on the “apprentice computer”: the translation of some Dutch reviews of the latest show “The Sound and the Fury” (the one I saw in Amsterdam this June) had to be done. Throughout the afternoon I worked on completing the translation and gained some inside information on funding the ERS is applying for, their upcoming performances in Florida, relationships between company members and inexpensive opportunities in Brooklyn for lunch and renting rehearsal space. These people seem to be uncomplicated, unpretentious, open and humorous – looking forward to spend more time with them.
Before taking the G Train back to Queens, I would stroll through downtown Brooklyn, sucking in the vibes of hundreds of people rushing through the streets, accompanied by the choruses of car horns, police cars and fire engines. And not to forget: black hip hop music booming from passing vans. I wish I could remember the songs so that I could download them at night. This music is moving me. Love it. And by the way, on Saturday there is a big Michael Jackson Birthday Party at Prospect Park. It´s supposed to be huge. People here are crazy about Michael. Also needed to get an American cellphone number today since it seemed impossible to survive in New York without a phone.
I have to admit: while standing in the subway back to Woodside, making some minimal dance to the Jackson 5 on my iPod, I got fascinated by the skyscrapers on the other side of the water and those huge bridges that connect the outer boroughs to Manhattan. It was right about to get dark and there was this desire crawling inside of me…wishing for all those millions and billions of lights to be switched on and getting this fantastic picture of the Manhattan skyline at night. This might sound stupid, like taken from a tacky tourist guide. But there is some kind of spirit in the air, which intoxicates my senses and perception. Everything is huge here. Overwhelming. Intense. Unique. Precious. I cannot get enough of it.
25.08.09/ George to Stephanie: “Yeah Babe, you belong to Brooklyn”
The new word I learnt today: “dextrous”. The new instrument I played today: “Kalimba”. New food I tasted today: “a kind of white root that comes from Ghana and tastes similar to potato”.
At several stages of this day I thought: take a picture of this, write down that, try to not forget this incredible moment. The energy on the streets is moving me so much that the action of simply taking in, turned out to be difficult. But slowly, slowly I told myself: keep cool, stay calm, relax and simply experience every moment fully with all your God given senses.
I started my day with a trial subway tour to the Elevator Repair Service, where I will start my internship tomorrow. Once having arrived in Brooklyn, magnetic forces started to appear: acting on the assumption that a magnet has a positive and a negative pole, it took about two hours until I found the fitting “other half” for my first day in New York: soulmate George. George originally comes from Ghana, but already lives in Brooklyn for over 20 years. This is definitely the neighborhood where he belongs since he would greet almost everyone on the street with “hey Buddy”, “yo Man”, “hi Sweety”. We spent an awesome afternoon together: hunting for some opportunities for me to take dance classes, spotting some nice people and venues and finally arriving to an old shoe factory in Bushwick, where George is working. Besides him playing the Kalimba (a small percussion sound box) and being the most authentic Brooklyn character you can imagine, he is making leather belts and bags in his little studio within the factory. He infected me with his artistic passion for fashion. His energy inspired me. Creative vibes were floating. George offered me to express myself by doing something that I always enjoyed to do: getting busy with the kind of detailed handicraft work – cutting, glueing, sewing – and in the end of the afternoon I completed my own brand-new belt! We grabbed some food for our bus ride back to downtown Brooklyn. Passing by a small shop where some of his stuff is sold. There I would end up dancing a line dance in the shop with a beautiful black American Woman! And there it happened that I was told for the second time today: “You are not a foreigner, you belong to Brooklyn.” That was so cool to hear. I felt being in the right place with the right people. And by now I wonder: if I am shining with my openness, curiosity, excitement, trust and happiness, will the other one reflect all this positive energy? Actually, for today I do not care about an answer. Today the sun was shining as bright and warm as hardly ever before.
There is so much more to tell. But rather than writing about it now, I will indulge in the physical echo of this day: painful feet, restless eyes, blood rushing through my veins, and my heart leaping for joy. My soul is melting into some sort of light and creamy mass (probably inspired by the huge range of delicious ice cream that comes here in any kind of flavor you could desire), slowly transforming into a transparent water-like state of existence (my room mate Justin just told me that I only need to press the button on the refrigerator in order to get cold fresh water while it is 9.30pm and still 25 degrees) before it completely disappears within a never ending ocean of soft cotton fluffy puffy pillow clouds – my eyes are getting heavier by now, I am so tired but feeling so fucking alive at the same time. I am excited to start repairing some elevators tomorrow. Good night here, good morning there.
24.08.09/ WELCOME TO NEW YORK CITY!
It is 8.45pm local time. About five hours ago I arrived at JFK airport. The moment that we transformed from flying into landing and in which the plane got in contact with the ground was very special. It was then that I thought: “Wow, you made it, Stephanie! Welcome to NYC!” Right before I felt a bit nauseous, but luckily an old American Lady would hold my hand and calm me down.
On my way to my accomodation I was still too overwhelmed to fully grasp the new environment. The houses that I passed by reminded me on small doll houses. I had the sensation of being in a kind of playmobiel city. It all seemed so unrealistic. Too good to be true. I met friendly people on the way who would help me with buying train tickets and finding the right directions. And another one asked for having a coffee together. This is an attitude I definitely did not expect to be confronted with in New York and for sure not on my first day.
Right now I am sitting on my bed in the flat where I will live for the next three months. I found a pearl of housing and amazingly hospitable people within it in the middle of Queens. She, Ildiko, a dancer, living with her boy friend Justin and another room mate. It is Justin´s birthday today. So I was already lucky to get a piece of those typical American chocolate cakes. And we had some welcome shots. I am still really excited and freakin´out, but slowly the tiredness comes. It has already turned dark outside and for today I will not go out anymore. Though I do not really wanna sleep, I gonna give myself a rest to be prepared for the city that never sleeps.
I will lay down, watching the outside´s gloaming of the street lamps through my half open window, listening to the passing city noise – feeling like a Queen in Queens, whose dream is becoming reality.
21.08.09/ http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephanieluhn/
16.08.09/ Today I stumbled over this:
“It´s a place to prove yourself; to make a brand new start of it; and where if you can make it there, you can make it anywhere. ”
“It involves an almost fatalistic acceptance of the permanent presence of loss. Nothing will ever stay the same…Irreversible change happens so often in New York that the experience affects character itself. New York toughens its people against sentimentality by allowing the truer emotion of nostalgia. Sentimentality is always about a lie. Nostalgia about real things gone.”
03.08.09/ First entry:
“…to live my dreams as if they were reality.”
Who would have thought that I will ever have the chance to go to New York? Not me, at least. But now it is happening: a few days ago I booked my flight! I am leaving Amsterdam on August, 24th (two days after my 26th birthday; so I guess being scared is not allowed anymore?) I will spend my time as an apprentice with the ERS (Elevator Repair Service), which is a small experimental theatre group in Brooklyn. I saw them recently at the Holland Festival and I was quite impressed. There is a good email contact established with the group and it seems that the members are warm and friendly artists…:
“Stephanie:
I apologize for not getting back to you sooner. I have been in and out of the office because of holidays and family stuff. Now I am back, have had a chance to speak with John, our artistic director, and am ready to respond.
We would love to have you on board as an intern here at the ERS office from the end of August through mid to late October, 2009. Your work in the office would be primarily administrative, but you would have the chance there to work closely with John, Tory, Ariana and myself. Most likely you will be able to attend some rehearsals in September, as well, but we can’t guarantee that our rehearsals will be open to interns at that time. It depends on how far along we are in the process, what John feels comfortable with, and how much help I need in rehearsal.
You will certainly be a part of helping with any special events we have in the fall, such as benefits, fundraisers, etc. This will be a great opportunity for you to meet and work with other company members.
Let’s plan to talk in mid-August about exactly what date you will start. For now I will assume we’ll see you here starting the week of August 24.
If you need a more formal response, please let me know and I can send something on ERS letterhead with a signature, as well.
All best, and I look forward to meeting you!”
Stephanie Luhn 
August 26, 2009 at 10:13 pm
stephi
So happy to hear from you specialy from new yor and see you enjoying there…have a lot of fun…looking forward to read more in this page…Kisses
August 28, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Bonjour Stephanie
I didn’t cross you in the corridors of schipol, but later I thought it wouldn’t have been the good moment for us to meet. I prefer to wait to see you transformed after this enticing experience that seems to start very well.
I will follow you small steps in big Oncle sam.
I wish you luck, happiness, and discovery!
Love
Teilo
March 5, 2010 at 12:32 am
Wow, I have found this via Google.
So cool to hear that you spent time in New York doing what you love to do. Really inspiring.